Our 313 Merch Model Sarah Jane Wins T-Shirt Hell Whore Of The Month!

Posted in Rants and Raves on May 30th, 2009 by webmaster

Sarah Jane T-Shirt Hell Whore

Times are tough here at 313 Merch so we decided to whore our very own model Sarah Jane to T-Shirt Hell’s Whore OF The Month Contest! and she won! and now we can afford cheese on our whoppers this month! Sarah has an ass that can launch a 1,000 loads, whoops I mean t-shirts!! You can check her out on Model Mayhem here and If anyone needs a model give her a shout we will whore her out again if the price is right! You can also buy this t shirt from T-Shirt hell here.

Colonel Angus T-Shirt

Posted in New Designs on May 19th, 2009 by webmaster

Colonel Angus

Once a women is introduced to Colonel Angus she’ll settle for nothing less. Our Colonel Angus T-Shirts cum in all styles and sizes. Colonel Angus looks his best on ACU-Sand t-shirts. It is our pleasure to give you Colonel Angus from the shady thicket!


Gunts N’ Roses T-Shirt

Posted in New Designs on May 13th, 2009 by webmaster

Gunts N' Roses T-Shirt

All this Gunt talk lately has inspired 313 Merch to demand our artist Sly to pen our latest masterpiece, Gunts N’ Roses. The Gunt’s are back after over a decade of overeating a whorific amount of fast food! Dressed to impress and show off their gunts in some porky pink and gunt green elastic band stretch pants they are ready to eat! Gunts N’ Roses are known for the hit songs “Sweet Gunt of Mine” and “Welcome to the Gunt Hole” from their debut album Appetite for Consumption. Nine years and many spaghetti incidents later Gunts N’ Roses finally released there highly anticipated album “Chinese Buffet” and are currently on tour at a All You Can Eat Buffet near you! Order your Gunt N’ Roses T-Shirt today available in all styles and sizes.

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What is a Gunt?

Posted in Rants and Raves on May 12th, 2009 by webmaster

What the hell is a Gunt? Well Urban Dictionary gives us the meaning as simply The bulging area found on large older women between the waist and the genital area. Not quite a gut, not quite a cunt… The Gunt (Gut+Cunt= Gunt). Well this brings to mind all the foul spandex wearing beasts that troll the All You Can Eat Buffets daily. Read more »

Warning-If You Piss Me Off Severe Pain Will Be Inflicted!

Posted in New Designs on May 6th, 2009 by webmaster
Warning-If You Piss Me Off Severe Pain Will Be Inflicted!

This is my fucking Warning to everyone: If You Piss Me Off Severe Pain Will Be Inflicted!  I may look sweet and innocent, but I can kick some serious ass!  I fucking hate people, and would gladly welcome the chance to beat the next fuckin’ douche bag that tries to grab me to a bloody fuckin pulp.  I don’t mess around, I love my weapons and would love for you to piss me off so I get the chance to use them!!!  This shirt sums up just how the fuck I feel, and provides a much needed public service warning.  Don’t say I didn’t Warn you!  Just read my Shirt:  Warning!  If You Piss Me Off, Severe Pain Will Be Inflicted!!!

Checkers Are Gay T-Shirt

Posted in New Designs on May 6th, 2009 by webmaster

Hey can I jump your man? and crown me too! Checkers are Gay! The Game of Checkers is played by homosexuals worldwide as a casual get to know me before you jump my hairy ass crack sport! Checkers Are Gay T Shirts are nicely sublimated on all light color t shirts. So crown yourself with one of these Checker T Shirts today!

Checkers Are Gay T Shirts